Breakups suck (Bieber and Selena, we feel you.) But lots of times, they’re for the best. (Repeat after us: It’s for the best.) Susan Elliot, relationship counselor and author of Getting Past Your Breakup, and Caryn Beth Rosenthal and Maryjane Fahey, authors Dumped and founders of dumped411.com, have tips on moving on.
Go Cold Turkey
Staying in touch with him just keeps you stuck in the past, so at least in the beginning, break off all contact: Unfriend him, remove his name from Gchat, and delete him from your phone. If you have friends in common, take a temporary hiatus from them, too.
Take a trip to a place that’s the total opposite of where you live. So if you’re in the city, head to a yoga retreat or spend the weekend at a spa in the country; if you’re in a small town, party in Austin or Miami with your bestie. Travel not in your budget right now? At least hang out in a different part of town. When you’re taking in a ton of new stimulation, you won’t have a chance to wallow in the past.
BUY A NEW VIBRATOR
One thing that definitely sucks about a breakup: Se.x withdrawal. Stave off the dry spell by treating yourself to a vibe with bells and whistles that can deliver way more pleasure than your ex probably ever did.
EAT MORE SALAD
The iconic post-breakup image is a girl in her sweats with a remote in one hand and a pint of Ben & Jerry’s in the other. But even though you might feel like scarfing a dish of Cherry Garcia and vegging all day, you’ll move on faster by eating healthy and amping up your workouts (a natural endorphin booster, btw). It’s cheesy but true: When you feel terrific about how you look on the outside, you’ll feel better on the inside too.
FLAUNT YOUR BODY
Ditch the breakup comfort clothes (college sweatshirt, boxer shorts) and rock outfits that amplify your hotness, like stilettos, a mini, or red lipstick. Every stare you get equals a confidence jolt. Oh, and even ifyou’re not planning on getting any, wear your sultriest, do-me-now lace lingerie. Check yourself out in the mirror, and give yourself props for your se.xiest features.
SCHEDULE A MASSAGE
Getting pampering puts your focus back on you instead of the relationship. Plus, getting a facial or pedicure makes you feel and look fantastic.
FAKE IT ‘TIL YOU MAKE IT
Trust us on this one. Even though you’re not over him, actlike you are…and it will eventually manifest. Force yourself to go to parties and flirt with other guys, and one day you’ll realize you’re not just pretending to have fun or playing along with the dude hitting on you—you’re legitimately into it.
MAKE YOURSELF BUSY
One of the hardest things about breaking up is no longer having a permanent buddy to hang out with every night of the week. To fill the void, make more plans—organize a weekly happy hour with coworkers and brunch dates with your girls. Take on a new hobby, like wine and painting classes or volunteering to walk dogs at an animal shelter.
…BUT ALSO LET YOURSELF CRY
Leave enough room in your sched for the occasional night when you stay home and process the loss of your relationship. Give yourself an hour or two to let it all out, because expressing your grief will help you heal. Just be sure to end things on a positive note, like enjoying a bubblebath or chick flick.
TURN ON YOUR LAPTOP
Your friends are an amazing resource to help you get over your ex, but avoid leaning on them too much. When you’re obsessing, try writing about how you’re feeling in a journal or in letters to him that you don’t send.
DE-CLUTTER YOUR LIFE
Toss his toiletries, send clothes he left at your place back to him, and put any gifts or cards he gave you in a box in your closet (decide later whether you want to keep them; if you purge everything right away, you might regret it). Beyond ditching his stuff, shed clutter in general. Clearing out your place helps clear out your mind and make room for the new.
Many women either demonize or idolize their ex post-split. But if you only focus on what an a-hole he was, you’ll get bitter. And if all you can remember is his amazing qualities, no other guy will be able to measure up. So take a relationship inventory: Make list of your ex’s good and bad traits so you get a complete picture of him. Then remind yourself that the person you’re ultimately supposed to be with is out there, and the longer you stay entrenched in your ex, the longer it’ll take you to find him
HAVE A RANDOM MAKEOUT SESH
Spending a night flirting and dancing with a hottie at a bar can be an amazing confidence booster. When it comes to actually going out with someone new, just make sure you feel ready and are able to have fun with it—meaning, you won’t take it personally if things don’t progress.x